Does this count?

So we were talking at work about how all the great state songs are about the Southern states or California (i.e, Rainy Night in Georgia, California Dreamin', My Old Kentucky Home, etc.) "Where's the Minnesota song?" I ask, "You're not a great state if you don't have a song." No one could think of one, and then...
Em comes up with this crazy-ass song about Minnesota:

Say Shhh by Atmosphere (a Minneapolis-based "emo-rap" group:)
Lyrics

Such a pleasure to come home
Cuz I...I have a very special love for this city

Well all right, well okay [x3]

Well all right [x3]

I wanted to make a song about where I'm from
You know? Big up my home town, my territory, my state
But, I couldn't figure out much to brag about
Prince lives here, we got 10,000 lakes
But wait, the women are beautiful, to me they are
And we're not infested with pretentious movie stars
And it hit me, Minnesota is dope
If only simply for not what we have but what we don't
It's all fair, it ain't out there, it's in there
It's in the mirror, behind the breast under the hair
Follow the dream doesn't mean leave the love
Roam if you must, but come home when you've seen enough
I love New York and Cali, but I ain't movin'
Too overpopulated saturated with humans
And I'm not big on rappers, actors, or models
If I had to dip, I'd probably skip to Chicago
None of this is to diss no one, nowhere
Like damn, I'm from Minnesota, land of the cold air
Too many mosquitoes and our fair share of egos
But like my man Sabe says, that's where my mommy stays

[Chorus:]
So if the people laugh and giggle when you tell em where you live
Say shhh, say shhh
And if you know this is where you wanna raise your kids
Say shhh, say shhh
If you're from the Midwest and it doesn't matter where
Say shhh,say shhh
If you can drink tap water and breathe the air
Say shhh, say shhh

Got trees and vegetation in the city I stay
The rent's in the mail and I can always find a parking space
The women outnumber the men two to one
Got parks and zoos and things to do with my son
The nightlife ain't all that, but that's okay
I don't need to be distracted by the devil every day
And the jobs ain't really too hard to find
In fact, you could have mine if you knew how to rhyme
This is for everyone around the planet
That wishes they were from somewhere other than where they standin'
Don't take it for granted, instead take a look around
Quit complaining and build something on that ground
Plant something on that ground, dance and sleep on that ground
Get on your hands and knees and watch the ants walk around
That ground
Make a family, make magic, make a mess
Take the stress, feel your motivation and build your nest
It sucks that you think where I'm from is wack
But as long as that's enough to keep your ass from coming back
And with a smile and a hint of sarcasm, he said
"I beg your pardon but this is my secret garden"

All right
(In the land of ice and snow)
Well okay
(In the land of ice and snow)
Well all right
(In the land of ice and snow)
Well okay
(Minneapolis, Minneapolis, Minneapolis, Minneapolis)

[Repeat Chorus]

If the playground is clear of stems and syringes
Say shhh, say shhh
If there's only one store in your town that sells 12-inches
Say shhh, say shhh
If no one in your crew walks around with a gun
Say shhh, say shhh
And if you ain't gonna leave cause this is where you're from
Say shhh, say shhh

Well alright, well okay
[repeated in background]
St. Cloud, Minnesota
Mankato, Minnesota
Duluth, Minnesnowta
Kansas City
St Louis, Missouri
Columbia, Missouri
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Madison
Milwaukee
Cincinnati, Ohio
Columbus, Ohio
Boulder, Colorado
Lawrence, Kansas
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Sioux Falls, South Dakota
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Indianapolis
Say shhh..
Minneapolis [repeat to fade]

Alright, jury: Does this count as a state song? Cause I'm thinking...uh...

P.S. Props to Emily for excellent brainstorming and creativity

I wanna be the only one you come for...

Bomb-ass bomb vintage Prince footage (the first song is one of my all-time faves): Courtesy of American Bandstand, 1980.
You have to see the interview in between the songs...

Did you notice that the guitars don't even have cords?!
And the hair...
Divine.
Just divine.
Just goes to prove that some people were born to be weird (and fantastically so) and some people were once normal and became weird (and tragically so...i.e, Michael Jackson. )
Long live Prince!

Most Outrageous Statements of 2005

I don't usually engage in the heated political debate genre, but thought I'd throw you avid politickers some fodder for once. These statements were gathered by Media Matters for America,who bills them as "acutely represent[ing] the extreme conservative speech we found in the news media in 2005." See for yourself...

• Former Reagan administration Secretary of Education Bill Bennett: "[Y]ou could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down." [Salem Radio Network's Bill Bennett's Morning in America, 9/28/05]



• Pat Robertson: "If [Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez] thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it." [Christian Broadcasting Network's The 700 Club, 8/22/05]



• Bill O'Reilly to San Francisco: "[I]f Al Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we're not going to do anything about it. ... You want to blow up the Coit Tower? Go ahead." [Westwood One's The Radio Factor with Bill O'Reilly, 12/8/05]



• Bill O'Reilly, agreeing with caller that illegal immigrants are "biological weapon[s]": "I think you could probably make an absolutely airtight case that more than 3,000 Americans have been either killed or injured, based upon the 11 million illegals who are here." [Westwood One's The Radio Factor with Bill O'Reilly, 4/15/05]



• Rush Limbaugh: "Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society." [The Rush Limbaugh Show, 8/12/05]



• Rush Limbaugh on the kidnapping of peace activists in Iraq: "I'm telling you, folks, there's a part of me that likes this." [The Rush Limbaugh Show, 11/29/05]



• Ann Coulter: Bill Clinton "was a very good rapist"; "I'm getting a little fed up with hearing about, oh, civilian casualties"; "I think we ought to nuke North Korea right now just to give the rest of the world a warning." [New York Observer, 1/10/05]



• Ann Coulter: "Isn't it great to see Muslims celebrating something other than the slaughter of Americans?" [Syndicated column, 2/3/05]



• Radio host Glenn Beck: "[Y]ou know it took me about a year to start hating the 9-11 victims' families? Took me about a year." [Premiere Radio Networks' The Glenn Beck Program, 9/9/05]



• Tucker Carlson: "Canada is a sweet country. It is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he's nice, but you don't take him seriously. That's Canada." [MSNBC's The Situation with Tucker Carlson, 12/15/05]



• American Family Association president Tim Wildmon: Liberals "don't have the kind of family responsibilities most people have, and certainly not church responsibilities." [American Family Radio's Today's Issues, 5/11/05]



• David Horowitz on Cindy Sheehan: "It's very hard to have respect for a woman who exploits the death of her own son and doesn't respect her own son's life. ... She portrays him as an idiot." [MSNBC's Connected: Coast to Coast, 8/16/05]



• Radio host Neal Boortz on the execution of Stanley "Tookie" Williams: "[T]here will be riots in South Central Los Angeles and elsewhere. ... The rioting, of course, will lead to wide scale looting. There are a lot of aspiring rappers and NBA superstars who could really use a nice flat-screen television right now." [Boortz.com, 12/12/05]



• Pat Buchanan: "Our guys" in Iraq "have got every right to have good news put into the media and get to the people of Iraq, even if it's got to be planted or bought." [MSNBC's Hardball with Chris Matthews, 12/1/05]



• National Review editor Rich Lowry: Given EPA-mandated "small-flush" toilets, "[h]ow is it possible to flush a Quran down the toilet?" [Young America's Foundation speech, 8/5/05]



• Neal Boortz, suggesting that a victim of Hurricane Katrina housed in an Atlanta hotel consider prostitution: "I dare say she could walk out of that hotel and walk 100 yards in either direction on Fulton Industrial Boulevard here in Atlanta and have a job. What's that? Well, no, no, no. ... Well, you know what? [laughing] Now that you mention it ... [i]f that's the only way she can take care of herself, it sure beats the hell out of sucking off the taxpayers." [Cox Radio Syndication's The Neal Boortz Show, 10/24/05]



• Focus on the Family founder and chairman James C. Dobson: Same-sex marriage would lead to "marriage between daddies and little girls ... between a man and his donkey." [Focus on the Family radio program, 10/6/05]



• Accuracy in Media editor Cliff Kincaid: "Have you noticed that many news organizations, in honor of former ABC News anchorman Peter Jennings, have embarked on a quit smoking campaign? So why don't our media launch a campaign advising people to quit engaging in the dangerous and addictive homosexual lifestyle? ... It appears that the homosexual lifestyle is as addictive as smoking." [Accuracy in Media column, 12/14/05]

More Great Quotes

More great inspirational quotes from yours truly. I needed a reminder, and thought I'd share it with you.

Each quote's originator is listed below. Try and see if you know or can guess any.

1. "Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not."

2. "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

3. "Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were. "

4. "If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day."

5. "One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life."

6. "Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death."

7. "Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact."

8. "Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us. Oh be swift to love, make haste to be kind."

9. "Conquer the angry man by love.
Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness.
Conquer the miser with generosity.
Conquer the liar with truth."



Quotes Originators:
1. Oprah Winfrey
2. Leo Buscaglia
3. Cherie Carter-Scott
4. Alex Noble
5. Chinese proverb
6. Anais Nin
7. Henry James
8. Henri Frederick Amiel
9. Buddha

If You Knew That You Would Die Today...

Would you change?


How good...how bad...does it need to get?
How many losses?
How much regret?
To make you turn around?
Makes you try to explain?
Makes you forgive and forget?
Makes you change?

Song/Video Running Through My Head

Been running through my head all day. If you don't know Sade, you should check her out. (hot)

A little bit about Sade:
Sade (pronounced "shar-day") was born Helen Folasade Adu in a village 50 miles from Lagos, the capitol of Nigeria. She was the daughter of an African father and an English mother. After her mother returned to England, Sade grew up on the North End of London.
She worked part-time in and out of the music business beginning in her teens, and did some part-time modeling before becoming a back-up singer for a Latin band around 1980. It was with this band that she co-wrote and performed what would become in 1985 her first big US solo hit "Smooth Operator." All four of her US albums have gone multi-platinum.

Pssst...

ALL of the photos from the other night are now on Flickr. (Yes, there are a lot more...) Just click on the Flickr box down and to the right to see them all.

Hold on a minute...

More Pics

Kristi, Kyle, and Lexi


Me and Sarah


Brian and Lori


Corissa and Aaron


Lexi and Scott


The 2 Matts--What the...?


Rob and Sarah


Dancing


More dancing

Lip Service

Night On the Town

The work people all met up last night for a fantastic night on the town to celebrate my friend Brian's birthday and my "last hurrah" before getting married in a few weeks. So many people came, and I had the most fun. Here's some pics:

Me and Kelli


Jim, Patty, and Brian


Sue and Brian


Group Shot (Brian's "Number One," apparently)


Me and Scott and Lori and Brian


The Crew


Me and Rob


The "MEnnis," Sarah, and Scott

More later...

Funny New Work Policies

I'm pretty sure at least one place I worked back in the day has used this meant-to-be-funny memo as a template for their own policies.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of your employment contract.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacations at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is unavoidable, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve (in writing) this exchange.

In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open. If the toilet remains occupied, your photograph will be taken by a security camera and will appear on the Toilet Offenders Board. Anyone caught smiling when the photograph is taken will undergo counseling by an employee health psychologist.

Also, please be advised that workmen's compensation insurance does not cover any injuries incurred while trying to stop the toilet paper retracting into the dispenser.


LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Overweight people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume
you are doing financially well and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation's or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

Human Resources Department

Generation Gap Quiz

How old is Grandpa???

Read on--formulate your best educated guess--the answer is at the end. It might surprise you.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.
The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

• television


• penicillin


• polio shots


• frozen foods


• Xerox


• contact lenses


• Frisbees


• the Pill

There were no:

• credit cards


• laser beams


• ball-point pens

Man had not yet invented:

• pantyhose


• air conditioners


• dishwashers


• clothes dryers (clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air!)


• man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandmother and I got married first, . . and then lived together.

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir."

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk.

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

• "grass" was mowed


• "coke" was a cold drink


• "pot" was something your mother cooked in


• "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby


• "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office


• "chip" meant a piece of wood


• "hardware" was found in a hardware store


• "software" wasn't even a word

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am?

Formulated your best educated guess?

Read on to see--might explain why some of our parents and grandparents seem overwhelmed by all of the technology we take for granted.

















This man would be only 59 years old.

Another Human Oddity

In the same vein as the modern human oddity (AKA "freak") I shared a picture of with you yesterday, here's a more historical--and I think quite fascinating--unusual person:


Lucia Zarate

Lucia was one little person featured in old side shows who didn’t need to exaggerate how small she was. Billed as the Mexican Lilliputian, she was easily one of the tiniest people who ever lived. She was also one of the largest drawing cards and highest paid human oddities of her time, with museums averaging seven hundred dollars a week during her engagements. Earning as much as twenty dollars per hour, Lucia accumulated a small fortune including enough to purchase her own ranch near Chihuahua, in her native Mexico. Quite an accomplishment given her relatively short career.

Born in 1864, in San Carlos, Mexico, Lucia weighed eight ounces and was only seven inches long. At the age of twelve Lucia came to the United States accompanied by her father, an interpreter, and an attendant. By this time she reportedly weighed 5 pounds and was 20 inches tall. Her arms were eight inches long with her waist being just fourteen inches around.

In her promotions, the famous Tom Thumb was described as being a "Giant" compared to her. One museum even offered the prize of a diamond ring to any baby who could wear the same size ring.

This "Wonderful Mexican Pigmy" was billed as being "perfect in form and feature." Modern writings describe her as bright, animated and intelligent. A more likely circumstance is that of an 1890 report describing her as "wizened, wrinkled, and extremely ugly." Her mind being "underdeveloped" and being "unable to talk except on the most ordinary topics." Close examination of her photos reveals a very homely looking woman at best.

Lucia’s career came to an end in 1890 on her way to an engagement in San Francisco. In the mountains of the Sierra Nevada, near Truckee, California, the train she was traveling on became
stalled due to blizzards and heavy snow. It took a week for the train to be dug out, but tragically, in the interim, the frail little woman died of exposure.

Taking it too far?

Do you think maybe this guy proved his point at some point long before this photo was taken?

Funny Car Accident Reports & Strange Signs

Something light and easy--just for fun.

Accident insurance claim forms ask for a brief statement about how the accident happened. The combination of the finger pointing instinct and the small spaces provided on the forms can lead to some curiously phrased explanations. Such as...

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.""Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert."

"The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."

"I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end, and there was a crash."

"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it was struck by the other car in the same place where it had been struck several times before."

"The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

"The accident happened when the right door of a car came around the corner without giving a signal."

"I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull."

"My wench slipped, losing my balance, and I hurt my back."

"I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."

"When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."

"As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."

"The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."

"A truck backed though my windshield and into my wife's face."

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished."