CODE BLACK!!! Run For Your Life, Bitches!

Okay. So I'm a big fan of CSI, House, Bones, a good number of these science/medical dramas. For the most part they do a pretty decent job of kepping it real, if you will, within the constraints of keeping it interesting and entertaining and within 45 minutes. But this one tonight, this CODE BLACK episode of Grey's Anatomy, is really just too much. I must admit I'm having a good long chuckle, and will be having the most fun with this at work for the next week or two. Code Black? We've had some ridiculous-sounding codes added on over the years (Code Pink being my favorite real one and Code Sprinkle being my favorite employee-created one,) but CODE BLACK?! Sounds like a "28 Days Later/Ebola outbreak/bird flu in the house, ya'll" kinda code to me. Bad PR, at the very least, and pandemonium-unleashing at worst. Too funny. If you heard this over the intercom, what would you think? Attention, CODE BLACK! AKA, Run for your life, bitches!

The Creepy, Evil Raccoons Are Going to Kill Us

Do you think that raccoons are cute, lovable, and sweet? If you do, then you are WRONG, and you will probably be one of the first to die. Here's why: BAYLISASCARIS PROCYONIS.

Baylisascaris is a parasite of raccoons, which incidentally infects human (incidentally means accidental more or less in the parasitic world--in other words, it isn't supposed to be in humans, but if it gets there, it does what it can, which is often worse for you than if it was present in the animal it is supposed to be in.)

Lots of words, but here's the break-down: the eggs, if ingested by a human, will mature into adults, which then crawl throughout your body (known as larva migrans) and cause serious tissue damage as they penetrate your tissue and as your own cells try to fight the migrating worms. On the other hand, if the eggs are ingested by a raccoon, it's not so bad for them. The eggs mature into adults, travel to the intestinal tract (where they want to be,) and live happy lives there producing more eggs to be ingested by other raccoons and small mammals.

So here's the crux: Raccoons are very social animals, and are adapting more and more to live near humans, eating their garbage and living in man-made shelter (chimneys, roof eaves, barns, etc.) They are very neat, too, and in addition to that cute little handwashing thing they do, they also always defecate (poop) in the same place (called a raccoon latrine.) So, as these latrines pop up more and more near humans, these incidental human infections with Baylisascaris seem to be popping up more and more, too.

Most of these infections have occurred in small children (hand-to-mouth exploration, etc.) and the vast majority of these cases are fatal. If you are very, very lucky you will only be completely comatose and/or totally blind. But probably only for a chort while before you die. Whatever.

I won't even go into the whole rampantly spreading rabies-situation with the raccoon population, but take my word for it: Raccoons are not cute, and they are going to kill us all. Just wait.

The eggs (400X magnification)


Here's the CDC info if you want to know more. Just keep your distance, and for God's sake, don't pick up a raccoon. Or eat its poop.